His practice has no more room for new patients! Apparently they consider him a medical wizard....
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it.... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually.. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
12 comments:
This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing! :)
Ha Ha! I needed THAT! Too funny! :-D
Hi Natalie. HAHAHA!
I think the weird thing here is that it's actually ALL TRUE!
I'm not kidding.
Bearfriend xx
That was fun to read! I can't wait to show my wife, she'll crack up!!
Very funny!!! I especially like the swimming one.
This is good stuff. Thanks!
I love it! that is so funny!
It's really sad that every one of those made perfect sense to me, lol. No wonder I'm still so ROUND. ;)
Oh my goodness, I was cracking up! Thanks for sharing!
Cocoa beans really are mood enhancers!
BODA lose weight
I'm liking this philosophy much better than my diet plan!
Hey girl! Missing your posts. I wanted to let you know. I wrote my 100th post and made it a bloggy award party to celebrate. I have designated you an award. I know with moving and all that you are probably busy. Either way, thinking of you and wishing you the best!
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