first of all I want to thank you ALL for your kind words and support - that was so nice to feel your concern. I have come to grips with this, I think.
my dear hubby really struggled watching me through this last pregnancy, my health problems continued to mount and I saw my tuff guy ex-marine melt when the doctors started to watch my liver. He was wonderful, rubbing my swollen legs, taking care of me while I was on bed rest for the last bit. When the baby came, she was premature. Her delivery was bad too, I won't bore you with the details of it all, but we're lucky to have her and I'm lucky to be here as well. So thanks Diane, but this one I think I'll leave alone. We're definitely done. As for the cleansing, here's what I've learned:
I gave my sweet bro-in-law a call (he works in fitness and has his degree as a nutritionist and trainer) I asked him, and here's what we decided. First off he believes my metabolism needs a kick start (something i damaged all those years with my eating disorder) his solution: eating EVERY 2.5 to 3 hours - NO EXCEPTIONS
I am to have a protein and a complex carb with each mini meal and I am not to miss a meal - ever!
he also suggested I start upping the veggies; I eat a lot as it is, but like steve suggested the more raw veggies you get in you, the cleaner you'll function. Slowly and subtly getting me to a healthy level without risking my milk.
ALSO just if you're curious he suggested I stop focusing on cardio for a while. He feels I would benefit most from building lean muscle mass for now with cardio still present, but taking a back seat.
Every pound of muscle burns 75 calories a day while in rest, so if we can just build 10 pounds of pure muscle, that's 750 calories a day...5,250 calories a week.....21,000 a month... well you get the idea :)
how many calories do you think this guy burns in rest?! yikes!!!