Saturday, December 12, 2009

the mystery of food...ancient chinese secret

A friend sent me this e-mail...I thought it was pretty funny. Couldn't get the photo to transfer, but he's a cute little dalai lama-esk asian doctor.
His practice has no more room for new patients! Apparently they consider him a medical wizard....

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it.... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually.. Speed up heart not make live longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100% recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine. That means they take water out of fruity bit; get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy? HELLO ... Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


Mae Flowers said...

This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing! :)

Angelia said...

Ha Ha! I needed THAT! Too funny! :-D

Friend of the Bear said...

Hi Natalie. HAHAHA!

I think the weird thing here is that it's actually ALL TRUE!

I'm not kidding.

Bearfriend xx

beej said...

That was fun to read! I can't wait to show my wife, she'll crack up!!

Anonymous said...

Very funny!!! I especially like the swimming one.

South Beach Steve said...

This is good stuff. Thanks!

Bryan and Helga said...

I love it! that is so funny!

Tammy said...

It's really sad that every one of those made perfect sense to me, lol. No wonder I'm still so ROUND. ;)

Staci Dombroski said...

Oh my goodness, I was cracking up! Thanks for sharing!

Stephanie said...

Cocoa beans really are mood enhancers!
BODA lose weight

Anonymous said...

I'm liking this philosophy much better than my diet plan!

Angelia Sims said...

Hey girl! Missing your posts. I wanted to let you know. I wrote my 100th post and made it a bloggy award party to celebrate. I have designated you an award. I know with moving and all that you are probably busy. Either way, thinking of you and wishing you the best!