can I be honest with you, good (like you have a choice - right;)wink
I'm overwhelmed, today I yelled at my boys because they were fighting over who got the darker green plate, and I mean yelled. I'm not a yeller, in fact I almost never raise my voice to them like that. I hated it, I hated myself. Then later today I looked down and realized, I can't suck in my fat anymore. Even when I 'engage' my abs, they stick out. My muffin top, is a loaf of bread.
But the worst thing is, I'm discouraged, I don't feel like I can fight it and get EVERYTHING else done, you know? I'm not sure why, but food has had some weird power lately, like I can't get enough. I have to force myself to stop eating, and then, I'm 'hungry' again in like an hour. I'm really starting to think, I'm going to have to fast for a few days to break this trance it has over me...sorry to throw all this out there in cyber space, but I'm trying so hard, I go to bed completely exhausted and yet... I feel like I'm not being personally fed. Even the short devotionals I do with the boys in the morning, just aren't cutting it.
And the worst part is, my sweet hubby came up behind me tonight to hug me, and I pulled away, ashamed at who I've allowed myself to become. I'm replused by myself, yet unmotivated and beaten. I feel like all I can do right now is just keep afloat, the tide is so strong...sorry about the post...but I just needed somewhere I could be real, it's been a really bad day....