Thursday, September 17, 2009
leave your baggage at the blog...
After reading a fellow bloggers courageous fight against eating disorders, I felt inspired to share my own feelings on the subject... beware I'm about to get serious :)
Actually it may surprise some that I used to be a size 0 in junior high and only hit a size 4 in high school; all thanks to an old Nemesis anorexia. I was in the dance team in school and at 5'6" I weighed around 115-120. I still remember a weigh-in for an upcoming competition where I weighed in at 123 and immediately started running in the track team after school (on top of 4 hours dancing in the morning). Eventually my mom figured things out and forced me to start eating... so I switched over to bulimia...not fun.
So after all that excitement I started in college and focused on getting my eating habits under control. I gained about 50 lbs... marriage and 3 kids later, there are STILL days where I want to purge, or figure it would just be a lot easier to just stop eating.
I'm not complaining, I know it must be horrible, for those people who have never seen themselves thin, to wonder if it's possible. I sympathise. Somehow you have to keep pushing yourself for that brass ring of health worried you won't reach it. But this side isn't all roses either, sometimes I wonder if I can be smaller AND healthy, or if the only way I can get thin again is to resort to these former habits.
Well, either way, I have a family now - it's not just my future I'm gambling with. So I keep pushing forward with health in mind... not a number on the scale. Ok 'after school special' is over. Thanks for listening, I have never really talked much about this part of my past. It's a little therapeutic. night all :)
Posted by natalie a at 4:01 PM